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shaneeeelaffy

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shaneeeelaffy

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  • Number of visits : 25
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shaneeeelaffy's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30616) - you deserved it (6428)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26910) - you deserved it (6935)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

#20056763
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8417) - you deserved it (51164)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Cherrish it - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18001) - you deserved it (23318)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

#20050674
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28103) - you deserved it (2623)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:02am - love - by yonanon - United States (Virginia)

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

#20041954
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17307) - you deserved it (2052)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:18am - misc - by AmyLeigh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML

#20033901
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27960) - you deserved it (1924)

On 08/21/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

#20033828
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20045) - you deserved it (1786)

On 08/21/2012 at 12:39pm - work - by Rimmy Jobs (woman) - United States

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

#20031656
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30643) - you deserved it (6846)

On 08/20/2012 at 9:25am - misc - by Maria (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

#20031501
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23851) - you deserved it (1945)

On 08/20/2012 at 5:14am - misc - by scared to leave the house (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

#20029882
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24991) - you deserved it (4822)

On 08/19/2012 at 12:52pm - love - by youre dumped shitforbrain (woman) - Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan)

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

#20028660
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18213) - you deserved it (5686)

On 08/18/2012 at 7:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37901) - you deserved it (2197)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML



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