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About shameless58 : Im fuckin awesome!
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today... I found a box of birtday candles sitting on te coffee table. Bored... I lit one... and after a minute I trew it away and sat back down on te couc. I started looking at te box and noticed tat it said "Magic Re-Ligting Candles" at te exact moment tat ma tras can burst into flames. FML
Today, I wanted to change out of mah bikini 4 the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off mah suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet!! I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it!! As I dried it, some girls were laughing!! I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet!! Then I noticed my pants were still down!! FML
Today, I cummed home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read ( Because you can't find a real girl, I made yur current one prettier, Love Mom. ) FML
Today, mah grlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed mah exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen second being dragged acros rough pavement with mah pants around mah ankles. fat FML
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to looool finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, I awoke to the sound looool of my dad knocking on my dorm room door fir a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks fir last night", and leaves. FML
Today , I found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship . After celebrating with mah family by jumping around the room 4 a half-hour , we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name . When we called to tell her , she said it was werd cuz she had received mah rejection letter . mega FML
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into tooth, I feel the drill slip, an then she quickly stuffs gauze into mouth. She nervously laughs an says to me ( Wow! You must really be numb! ) FML
Today... mah mom had mah girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue... she pulled out mah grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with mah girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Friday 27 March 2015