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shadypalmtree's favorite FMLs
by MrAries / 03/02/2016 at 6:45am / United States / Health
Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML
by M1CHA3L_MY3RZ / 03/01/2016 at 8:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Macysdayparade8 / 12/08/2015 at 11:01pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by mini matthylde / 11/19/2015 at 4:57am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 9:50am / Canada / Health
by Playaaa / 11/14/2015 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2015 at 1:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was having sex with someone I've been casually seeing. He got all weird during it, and said, "That's a good girl". Once he left, I told my housemates about it. Now every time I do something nice for them, they respond, "That's a good girl". FML
by bianca131 / 11/09/2015 at 10:42pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML
by Hipnog / 11/07/2015 at 9:33am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/02/2015 at 2:25pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love
by Sleepy / 05/31/2015 at 11:51am / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
by Anonyme / 03/27/2015 at 5:50am / France (Bretagne) / Love
Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML
by mellielynnemily / 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm / United States / Love
- Today, I got braces. When I showed my mom, she said, "At least you'll lose weight because you can't… Today, about 3am i wake up to dogs barking and someone banging on my door, so i go downstairs and… Today, I found out at the ripe age of 24, I may never have children due to what my doctor said were…