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Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7055) - you deserved it (1221)
On 04/21/2012 at 2:15am - misc - by wmkaz - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12204) - you deserved it (12772)
On 04/20/2012 at 6:55pm - health - by burr415 (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14819) - you deserved it (1606)
On 04/20/2012 at 5:48pm - misc - by apparentlyawomanbeater (man) - Switzerland (Ticino)
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7601) - you deserved it (1053)
On 04/19/2012 at 2:00pm - love - by amber (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8782) - you deserved it (782)
On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4381) - you deserved it (8325)
On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (4167) - you deserved it (10296)
On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of a female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9252) - you deserved it (774)
On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3276) - you deserved it (6171)
On 04/04/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2872) - you deserved it (7090)
On 03/24/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by SG - United States
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33839) - you deserved it (2826)
On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4879) - you deserved it (2632)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20791) - you deserved it (2600)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31425) - you deserved it (2272)
On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend told me we've just been fuck buddies for the entire year we've been "together." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't working up the courage to propose to her on our anniversary. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29707) - you deserved it (2902)
On 01/23/2012 at 10:59am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States
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