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Today, I visited the same barber I've used for the last 3 haircuts. I keep my hair long so I only see him about once every 2 months. "The usual?" He asked. "Yes sir!" I replied, happy that I had built a rapport with my barber. Next thing I know, my head is shaved. He thought I was someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30904) - you totally deserved it (7253)
On 07/27/2009 at 11:04am - misc - by JohnnyLonesome (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6136) - you totally deserved it (45158)
On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36761) - you totally deserved it (8428)
On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34334) - you totally deserved it (8983)
On 07/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by bookworm94 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38273) - you totally deserved it (7753)
On 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm - kids - by reckless182 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31437) - you totally deserved it (11154)
On 07/26/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by Joel_mama (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31230) - you totally deserved it (10016)
On 07/26/2009 at 11:16am - love - by JennaMarie (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15739) - you totally deserved it (45769)
On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42242) - you totally deserved it (10205)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27887) - you totally deserved it (14022)
On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51664) - you totally deserved it (5491)
On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)
Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44086) - you totally deserved it (13366)
On 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm - money - by Pottymouth (man) - United States
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30222) - you totally deserved it (17157)
On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)
Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (44003) - you totally deserved it (2410)
On 07/25/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31791) - you totally deserved it (2219)
On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
