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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML
I agree, your life sucks (64484) - you deserved it (3690)
On 08/03/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Tuck_My_Life (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML
I agree, your life sucks (35201) - you deserved it (23362)
On 08/02/2009 at 11:12am - intimacy - by kmb04 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML
I agree, your life sucks (7674) - you deserved it (48182)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to change things up by having sex on her trampoline in her backyard. After about an hour of some of the best sex I've ever had, my girlfriend turns to me and says "I hope my dad didn't see us." He was out there mowing the lawn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13664) - you deserved it (45371)
On 08/01/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by jumper243 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32518) - you deserved it (5625)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:23am - intimacy - by Glassjaw (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35105) - you deserved it (19586)
On 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by yeahthatsme (woman) - United States (Kentucky) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9085) - you deserved it (35809)
On 07/30/2009 at 8:02am - intimacy - by BrokenVow (woman) - Canada (British Columbia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17645) - you deserved it (40251)
On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10009) - you deserved it (33935)
On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7504) - you deserved it (50928)
On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43855) - you deserved it (10572)
On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18713) - you deserved it (52783)
On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40331) - you deserved it (5109)
On 07/24/2009 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by jcooh0lla (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (45818) - you deserved it (20906)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
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