About sex_and_drugs : Hey I'm pretty awkward and don't kno what to say in these things... but my names Sam. I'm a vegetarian and have been my whole life just my style meat tastes yucky to me and has since I emerged from the womb. I Love music Pierce the Veil is my favorite band but I also really like Motionless In White, Ghost Town and We Came As Romans my favorite bands right there. so yea if you're still reading this I'm sorry my life's so boring you're wasting your time lol byee
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20962) - you deserved it (5054)
On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9643) - you deserved it (24513)
On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13043) - you deserved it (9481)
On 07/26/2012 at 1:20pm - health - by memphis201 - United States (Kentucky)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30142) - you deserved it (6962)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19524) - you deserved it (7706)
On 07/23/2012 at 8:52pm - kids - by nick (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15016) - you deserved it (4280)
On 07/08/2012 at 5:47am - animals - by scorpionsurviver - United States
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9865) - you deserved it (24127)
On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36982) - you deserved it (3014)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7941) - you deserved it (24029)
On 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by polimeros (man) - Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga)
Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31344) - you deserved it (3020)
On 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm - intimacy - by madseason (man) - United States
Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12084) - you deserved it (3140)
On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23626) - you deserved it (1288)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)
Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24221) - you deserved it (8743)
On 04/15/2012 at 3:03am - intimacy - by bummed - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (5053)
On 04/14/2012 at 7:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9701) - you deserved it (39870) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Monday 20 May 2013
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