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Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32683) - you totally deserved it (12470)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32634) - you totally deserved it (4731)
On 08/07/2009 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38193) - you totally deserved it (6205)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was at my girlfriends house with just me and her. Things began to get heated and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24178) - you totally deserved it (44469)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41437) - you totally deserved it (3149)
On 07/26/2009 at 12:28am - love - by nosrepamai82 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53953) - you totally deserved it (2298)
On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you totally deserved it (9451)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:03pm - kids - by vballqt201 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23859) - you totally deserved it (8212)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. When I was about to send one, I accidently send the picture to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8482) - you totally deserved it (39870)
On 06/20/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)
Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25469) - you totally deserved it (5462)
On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14398) - you totally deserved it (22085)
On 06/19/2009 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30469) - you totally deserved it (11625)
On 06/19/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by ilikeirishducks (woman) - Italy
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31234) - you totally deserved it (13039)
On 06/05/2009 at 1:03am - health - by NoPainNoGain (man) - United States (California)
Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42871) - you totally deserved it (11359)
On 05/27/2009 at 12:06am - love - by sounfair90 (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12688) - you totally deserved it (60099)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
