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sea0863

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sea0863

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sea0863's favorite FMLs

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

#16982648
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10997) - you deserved it (56763)

On 07/05/2011 at 3:06am - love - by eatmywords (man) - Singapore

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

#16867812
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9775) - you deserved it (24307)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm - kids - by Mommy - United States (Oregon)

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

#16867532
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13882) - you deserved it (46414)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

#16761354
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27391) - you deserved it (7240)

On 06/20/2011 at 10:59am - misc - by m2k (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

#16758586
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42687) - you deserved it (4588)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:43am - intimacy - by wtf - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML

#16758524
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14692) - you deserved it (35271)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:37am - misc - by NewTenant (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

#16752428
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44240) - you deserved it (8379)

On 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by stillAvirgin:( - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

#16659246
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13904) - you deserved it (35653)

On 06/14/2011 at 10:23am - work - by patrickalamo - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

#16548173
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38473) - you deserved it (10451)

On 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Punk (man) - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

#16307773
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28588) - you deserved it (7694)

On 05/23/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by sleepy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

#16303976
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32280) - you deserved it (18154)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm - kids - by Fatty1970 - United States (Florida)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
498 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12114) - you deserved it (216252)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

#16216813
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9240) - you deserved it (46074)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:28am - intimacy - by paulwatson93 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

#16216813
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9240) - you deserved it (46074)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:28am - intimacy - by paulwatson93 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML

#16152690
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39484) - you deserved it (8344)

On 05/13/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by phant776 (man) - United States (California)



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