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sea0863

Offline (the 09/06/2014 at 2:02pm) | Search for a member

sea0863

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sea0863's favorite FMLs

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

#17170835
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35643) - you deserved it (3899)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by tLee - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

#17167728
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33428) - you deserved it (11350)

On 07/18/2011 at 8:36pm - kids - by stargirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38092) - you deserved it (5695)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

#17131113
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35362) - you deserved it (5488)

On 07/16/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

#17126072
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26483) - you deserved it (5512)

On 07/15/2011 at 7:10pm - love - by Creep (woman) - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

#17125481
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10185) - you deserved it (38142)

On 07/15/2011 at 6:24pm - work - by Meg - United States (Florida)

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38682) - you deserved it (7192)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

#17113139
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14487) - you deserved it (63475)

On 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

#17109395
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18926) - you deserved it (45855)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20273) - you deserved it (52276)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

#17072330
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31290) - you deserved it (2868)

On 07/11/2011 at 10:15pm - animals - by CatOwner (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

#17069716
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31883) - you deserved it (5180)

On 07/11/2011 at 6:23pm - misc - by Username - United States (Washington)

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

#17067732
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12960) - you deserved it (51573)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

#17001302
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8484) - you deserved it (71864)

On 07/06/2011 at 2:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

#16997621
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7315) - you deserved it (108235)

On 07/06/2011 at 5:17am - health - by Fmylife (woman) - United States (Washington)



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