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sea0863

Offline (the 11/02/2014 at 8:35am) | Search for a member

sea0863

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sea0863's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28214) - you deserved it (3919)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

#17288332
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31292) - you deserved it (2647)

On 07/28/2011 at 4:37pm - health - by shroooms (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

#17267205
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18274) - you deserved it (34323)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by crotchshothottie - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

#17261377
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30681) - you deserved it (3027)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Ep1cF4ce - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML

#17260985
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33790) - you deserved it (6468)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:35pm - misc - by Ima_Moronski - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

#17171472
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23834) - you deserved it (10985)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:43am - misc - by nataliepaige - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

#17170835
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35702) - you deserved it (3909)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by tLee - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

#17167728
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34359) - you deserved it (11624)

On 07/18/2011 at 8:36pm - kids - by stargirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
470 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38164) - you deserved it (5699)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

#17131113
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35439) - you deserved it (5491)

On 07/16/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

#17126072
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26549) - you deserved it (5514)

On 07/15/2011 at 7:10pm - love - by Creep (woman) - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

#17125481
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10474) - you deserved it (38844)

On 07/15/2011 at 6:24pm - work - by Meg - United States (Florida)

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38738) - you deserved it (7197)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

#17113139
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14901) - you deserved it (64452)

On 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

#17109395
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18961) - you deserved it (45928)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)



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