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sea0863

Offline (the 11/02/2014 at 8:35am) | Search for a member

sea0863

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  • Number of visits : 1696
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sea0863's favorite FMLs

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

#17528012
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30212) - you deserved it (7930)

On 08/20/2011 at 10:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

#17507228
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9996) - you deserved it (34915)

On 08/18/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

#17502057
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38378) - you deserved it (2806)

On 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by candymansvan17 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML

#17498648
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11782) - you deserved it (32770)

On 08/17/2011 at 9:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24514) - you deserved it (11214)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

#17489385
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25084) - you deserved it (9988)

On 08/16/2011 at 11:00am - misc - by bursteardrums (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

#17488478
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7212) - you deserved it (65816)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33045) - you deserved it (2855)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36908) - you deserved it (3464)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34808) - you deserved it (9638)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

#17467525
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12118) - you deserved it (22816)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:17am - animals - by romea244 - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

#17467525
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12118) - you deserved it (22816)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:17am - animals - by romea244 - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

#17467108
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34956) - you deserved it (5802)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:16am - money - by Username - United States

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

#17465533
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26911) - you deserved it (2305)

On 08/14/2011 at 12:36am - health - by MomLovesMeLessThanTrash - United States (California)

Today, while on the roof of my friend's house, I took a shortcut down by jumping onto the roof of his nearby shed. Not only did I go right through it and hurt my arm, I've also received several calls from my friend's dad, demanding I pay for the damage. FML

#17464270
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6232) - you deserved it (47521)

On 08/13/2011 at 10:41pm - health - by IronFoot - Canada



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