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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5547) - you deserved it (713)
On 05/15/2012 at 3:27pm - health - by rhya4n (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2932) - you deserved it (8023)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States
Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24809) - you deserved it (8202)
On 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by lolwut - United States
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18698) - you deserved it (2253) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9538) - you deserved it (1071)
On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33970) - you deserved it (3176)
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18839) - you deserved it (979)
On 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by fuckparents (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21611) - you deserved it (4593)
On 01/09/2012 at 12:01am - intimacy - by LaLa - United States (Louisiana)
Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8842) - you deserved it (981)
On 01/08/2012 at 10:43pm - love - by shades (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8045) - you deserved it (20356)
On 01/08/2012 at 8:51pm - love - by Tiana - United States
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14740) - you deserved it (26109)
Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16358) - you deserved it (1529)
On 01/02/2012 at 7:18am - health - by sohungry (woman) - India (Maharashtra)
Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4059) - you deserved it (29073)
On 01/01/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by Leigha - Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George)
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20792) - you deserved it (1333)
On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8183) - you deserved it (26033)
On 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm - work - by TTR (woman) - United States (Illinois)
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