Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

sea0863

Offline (the 01/14/2016 at 4:18am) | Search for a member

sea0863

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Honolulu, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 November 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2482
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

sea0863's page activity

Visits<b>KatieKoala</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 1:43am<b>hockey_kid23</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 8:24am

sea0863's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of sea0863's badges

sea0863's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

#21514709
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16616) - you deserved it (17662)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm - animals - by parasheeeet (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

#21505108
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26092) - you deserved it (1272)

On 12/18/2015 at 10:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

#21503854
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25978) - you deserved it (5451)

On 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm - intimacy - by Moth_Balled (man) - Australia

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

#21500495
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19915) - you deserved it (3853)

On 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm - misc - by Anon - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

#21500205
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21315) - you deserved it (1621)

On 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

#21500058
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26234) - you deserved it (2687)

On 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

#21498195
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28313) - you deserved it (2723)

On 11/29/2015 at 1:43pm - intimacy - by cole66 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

#21495829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (5219)

On 11/23/2015 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Stuby14 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

#21489306
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22117) - you deserved it (5537)

On 11/06/2015 at 5:39pm - misc - by honk honk, fuckwad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

#21488178
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24951) - you deserved it (1642)

On 11/03/2015 at 10:24pm - animals - by damaged - United States (California)

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

#21487717
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29197) - you deserved it (2352)

On 11/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Quicky5_ (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

#21479950
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24987) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/14/2015 at 10:29am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

#21479934
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29220) - you deserved it (1684)

On 10/14/2015 at 9:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML

#21472478
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22999) - you deserved it (2554)

On 09/25/2015 at 1:42am - kids - by Failed_Dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

#21471347
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24196) - you deserved it (2150)

On 09/22/2015 at 6:51am - animals - by lyssthemiss - United States (Illinois)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: