sea0863

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Offline (the 05/25/2016 at 6:57am)

sea0863

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Honolulu, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 November 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2809
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sea0863's page activity

Visits<b>KatieKoala</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 1:43am<b>hockey_kid23</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 8:24am

sea0863's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of sea0863's badges

sea0863's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML

by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

by BenFiggy / 04/21/2016 at 9:28am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

by notgonnaeatthat / 03/17/2016 at 4:40pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Animals

Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML

by Baegel / 03/01/2016 at 8:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

by DarkChild / 02/11/2016 at 5:18pm / France / Kids

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

by Anon / 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

by cole66 / 11/29/2015 at 1:43pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

by honk honk, fuckwad / 11/06/2015 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous