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Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11169) - you totally deserved it (54387)
On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36709) - you totally deserved it (2104)
On 09/07/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Notyourstepmom - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidently sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14600) - you totally deserved it (31433)
On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41057) - you totally deserved it (1023)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29682) - you totally deserved it (16932)
On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)
Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43430) - you totally deserved it (2360)
On 07/25/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was fired from my volunteer job. Why? Because they said I was working so hard and doing such a good job that I was making the real staff look bad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42766) - you totally deserved it (2004)
On 07/05/2009 at 3:04pm - work - by WorkingGirl (woman) - United States (South Dakota)
Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59173) - you totally deserved it (2708)
On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35395) - you totally deserved it (4854)
On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35011) - you totally deserved it (4872)
On 05/17/2009 at 12:20am - work - by blairheir721 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was for the life of me, so I just played along. Finally, I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9352) - you totally deserved it (31439)
On 05/11/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by lostintellct (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47049) - you totally deserved it (1102)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:48pm - misc - by charlie (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37162) - you totally deserved it (2744)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30934) - you totally deserved it (10219)
On 05/07/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by JuniorDetective (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidently drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82937) - you totally deserved it (13775)
On 05/05/2009 at 11:37am - misc - by Rhyno - United States (New York)
