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scoobtig's FML badges
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scoobtig's favorite FMLs
by jseid2 / 01/15/2014 at 12:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 1:09pm / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML
by ScaryBears / 10/08/2012 at 9:51pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/07/2012 at 1:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by Bondi414 / 02/15/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by bob / 02/07/2011 at 1:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Money
Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML
by Firepants / 08/28/2010 at 12:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to… Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked… Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense,…