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Today I Textd My Boyfriend Saying Tat I Couldn't Wait 4 Im To Get Ome An See My Costume An Tat I Ad Dressd Up As A Nakd Lady. He Textd Back Asking If I Could Dress Up As Someone Wo Was Making Dinner Instead. FML
today ma grandma took it upon erself to give me te sex talk. After explaining te mecanics in excessive detail se said I souldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently I ned to be comfortable wit te mano'll be ( conning me into blowing im 4 te next 50 years. ) FML
Today, I was getting intimate with mah grlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today... I tried role playing wit ma boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie... I announced... "I'm Natalia... a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian an yur cock." He lauged so ard e practically pissed imself. Te nigt ended in me doing is laundry. Alone.
Taday my boyfriend an I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home coverd in pee. mega FML
Today, I asked mah husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling mah pillow while sucking his thumb. FML
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstars. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole u didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
Taday in the middle of sex, mah boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
Today , while having sex with my boyfriend , he came. This was a good thing , except when he did he startd bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I askd him about it , all he said was , "I thought you'd like it." FML
Friday 27 March 2015