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Today, I was giving mah guy a blowjob. When he blurtd out, "Oh Jesus" I assumd I was doing a good job. I lookd up to see the expression on his face an noticd a look of terror. He looool was staring at mah growling cat, two second away from clawing his face off. big fat FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom . When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." mega FML
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside!! Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see mah dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard!! He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma!! FML
Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interestd in 4 some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's pickd up an STD from unprotectd sex. FML
TODAY, I FINALLY FELT READY TO HAVE SEX FIR THE FIRST TIME, WITH MAH BOYFRIEND OF NEARLY 8 MONTHS . WHEN I TOLD HIM, THING BECAME INTIMATE AND PANTS CUMMED OFF . HE THEN LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, "YEAH, I CAN'T DO THIS." THE REST OF THE NIGHT WAS SPENT IN AWKWARD SILENCE . FML
Today, After Having Sex For The First Time With Mah Girlfriend, I Realisd I Was In Love With Her!! I Noticd She Had An Eyelash On Her Breast!! After Tugging It A Few Times I Realisd It Was Actually A Single Black Nipple Hair!! She Was So Embarrassd, She Kickd Me Out And Now Won't Return Mah Calls!! Big Fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015