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schuhbacca

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schuhbacca
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  • Number of visits : 374
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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schuhbacca's favorite FMLs

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

#17628880
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25170) - you deserved it (9730)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29467) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

#17627685
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14466) - you deserved it (50668)

On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

#17612364
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27195) - you deserved it (5286)

On 08/29/2011 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by bobin - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML

#17611743
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24419) - you deserved it (6551)

On 08/29/2011 at 11:06am - intimacy - by hopeless-.- (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

#17601968
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21209) - you deserved it (4388)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

#17601830
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8477) - you deserved it (40366)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:37am - love - by JJAnd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

#17538243
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11292) - you deserved it (39403)

On 08/21/2011 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by RohnAbheek - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML

#17525503
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9811) - you deserved it (66854)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:58am - intimacy - by KiDCuSHi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

#17517733
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35879) - you deserved it (5887)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:38am - love - by ginger (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

#17499822
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31069) - you deserved it (6407)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30949) - you deserved it (2679)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML

#17485415
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30008) - you deserved it (4433)

On 08/15/2011 at 11:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31695) - you deserved it (2552)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

#17447150
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22019) - you deserved it (25955)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:14am - intimacy - by fml - Canada (British Columbia)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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