Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

schrbj

Search for a member

schrbj
  • Town/Country : US
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 July 1981 (32 years)
  • Number of visits : 363
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About schrbj : Stalker...FML!

schrbj's last visitors

olpallyrosetad200QQMorePloxdead_insectshigh_tower87Sumo69boundbytheanimusDracoboxer357kiwi2006phatdaddy62youtubetre

schrbj's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of schrbj's badges

schrbj's favorite FMLs

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44022) - you deserved it (5634)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

#19285131
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23302) - you deserved it (6312)

On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

#19276451
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21381) - you deserved it (1919)

On 03/14/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by CierraJordan - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

#19264126
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26002) - you deserved it (5669)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States

Today, due to the powerful antibiotic I was taking for a bad infection on my knee, I had no control over my bowels and shat my pants while discussing a plumbing problem in a customers basement. FML

#19226157
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19581) - you deserved it (1213)

On 03/06/2012 at 6:53am - health - by beernuts - United States

Today, due to the powerful antibiotic I was taking for a bad infection on my knee, I had no control over my bowels and shat my pants while discussing a plumbing problem in a customers basement. FML

#19226157
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19581) - you deserved it (1213)

On 03/06/2012 at 6:53am - health - by beernuts - United States

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

#18966203
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21698) - you deserved it (4837)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:13am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

#12800426
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31805) - you deserved it (13851)

On 08/29/2010 at 3:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44038) - you deserved it (14248)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

#6933705
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18256) - you deserved it (2989)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

#6133031
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15365) - you deserved it (5954)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60662) - you deserved it (15381)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60662) - you deserved it (15381)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60662) - you deserved it (15381)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20741) - you deserved it (78262)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: