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About schrbj : Stalker...FML!
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
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Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17783) - you deserved it (4510)
On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7416) - you deserved it (657)
On 03/14/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by CierraJordan - United States (Utah)
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7875) - you deserved it (1764)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States
Today, due to the powerful antibiotic I was taking for a bad infection on my knee, I had no control over my bowels and proceeded to shit my pants while discussing a plumbing problem in a customers basement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7410) - you deserved it (581)
On 03/06/2012 at 6:53am - health - by beernuts - United States
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18086) - you deserved it (3628)
Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25729) - you deserved it (10196)
On 08/29/2010 at 3:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36712) - you deserved it (10619)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14644) - you deserved it (2230)
On 12/25/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12333) - you deserved it (4760)
On 11/03/2009 at 9:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52745) - you deserved it (12088)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (17859) - you deserved it (62077)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then walked into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poking his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29961) - you deserved it (213783)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (233321) - you deserved it (20086)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40185) - you deserved it (5048)
On 01/12/2009 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Poopy - United States (California)
Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24000) - you deserved it (2216)
On 12/11/2008 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Black - Lebanon (Beqaa)
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