About schalk : Don't be a smartass if you're not smart, otherwise you're just an ass.
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schalk's favorite FMLs
Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML
by bbedlock / 04/16/2011 at 8:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML
by wowimscrewed / 04/14/2011 at 12:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by FrOsTy25 / 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML
by andimanastudent / 04/13/2011 at 5:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
by Zeco / 02/05/2011 at 5:54pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML
by missbrit / 02/04/2011 at 2:59am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Intimacy
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML
by wowimdumb / 01/29/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by unlucky dudebag / 01/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
by peeoncarl1111 / 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/27/2011 at 12:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by Randall / 01/25/2011 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health
by nmaidkieavg / 01/25/2011 at 1:13am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
by Fucked / 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
- Today, I was yelled at by my mom for making dinner. She said I wasn't old enough to use the stove.… Today my boss fussed at me for something my co-worker did yesterday "because you were sitting right… Today, I had to drive my sister home. We drove the half hour south to get to my Dad's, only to get…