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Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6544) - you totally deserved it (12725)
On 02/09/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by kingmetal42 - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20579) - you totally deserved it (2306)
On 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm - kids - by justme - Sent from a mobile version
Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12191) - you totally deserved it (2908)
On 02/09/2010 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14677) - you totally deserved it (1335)
On 02/09/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by wurtabang - United States (Virginia)
Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18208) - you totally deserved it (1694)
On 01/28/2010 at 3:12pm - work - by sucksssssss - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5808) - you totally deserved it (10101)
On 01/25/2010 at 1:33am - health - by nyu (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7698) - you totally deserved it (1873)
On 01/21/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Alicia (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5811) - you totally deserved it (1129)
On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15964) - you totally deserved it (2615)
On 01/05/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - India (Madhya Pradesh)
Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20074) - you totally deserved it (1476)
On 12/28/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14867) - you totally deserved it (813)
On 12/23/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Chris (man) - United States (California)
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6415) - you totally deserved it (37857)
On 11/18/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by omgitserika - United States (California)
Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6686) - you totally deserved it (19091)
On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I finally filed the divorce papers I was putting off for weeks. This is my third divorce. After my first husband cheated on me, and my second husband and I learned we had VERY different views, now my third husband is cheating on me with his fiancee. I'm a marriage counselor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20331) - you totally deserved it (5752)
On 11/12/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by akward411 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
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