About saruhhh : i'm sarah. i live in michigan.
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saruhhh's favorite FMLs
by #isthisthepoundkey? / 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML
by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 5:02pm / United States / Work
Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML
by SparkOfJade / 08/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Maryland) / Work
by mishyb / 07/28/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML
by Jer / 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
by DogLover / 02/06/2013 at 8:59am / United States (New York) / Animals
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I… Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room,… Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to…