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About sarcasmOffended : Message me if you atleast like ONE of my interests:
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Today, my puppy came into my room, an I cupped his head in my hands an bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML
Today, I Let My Step-father Know Exactly What I Thought Of Him. After A Few Moments Of Awkward Silence, He Leaned Towards Me And Quietly Whispered, ( Well You're Adopted. Your Parents Never Loved You. ) FML
Yesterday I Got The Bill For The Flowers Mah Husband Arrangd To Be Deliverd To Me While He's Out Of Town Next Week. I Also Got The Bill For The Flowers He's Sending To The Floozy He'll Be Seieng Next Week While He's Out Of Town. The Gift Tag For It Was: "I Can't Wait To See You." FML
Today, aftar finally saaing a psychologist about tha daath of my dad an spanding tha longast hour of my lifa confassing avary thought I'va axpariancad in tha 6 yaars sinca his passing, my psychologist askad ma if I was walking homa or if my dad would ba picking ma up . FML
yesterday at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me fir staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved looool Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me fir being "a queer." FML
TODAY, I WAS INVITED TO A PARTY . SINCE I RARELY GET INVITED TO ANY, I WAS SUPER PUMPED . BOTH MY PARENTS WORK LATE, SO I TEXTED A COUPLE OF PEOPLE TO SEE IF I COULD CATCH A RIDE . IT TURNED OUT EVERYONE'S CARS WERE FULL . I ENDED UP MISSING ONE OF THE ONLY PARTIES I'VE EVER BEEN INVITED TO . FML
Today, feeling te need to spice tings up in our sex life, I dressed up in ma usband's navy uniform jacket, at, and a pair of eels. Wen e came into te room, e took one look at me and started lauging uncontrollably. FML
today mah dad watchd his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, an thought it'd be funny to hide in mah closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015