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Today, was my boyfriends birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42267) - you totally deserved it (16726)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44959) - you totally deserved it (1934)
On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, one of the psych patients I work with on a locked unit looked into my eyes and told me lovingly that I reminded him of his sister. The sister he killed after he raped her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78918) - you totally deserved it (1972)
On 05/08/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by leideigh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43836) - you totally deserved it (1149)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (68889) - you totally deserved it (12060)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She proceeded to say, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46490) - you totally deserved it (4178)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)
Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He proceeds to ask me if we have any coffee creamer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33451) - you totally deserved it (1139)
On 05/05/2009 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40072) - you totally deserved it (5981)
On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37085) - you totally deserved it (14306)
On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my entire family blamed me for the death of my grandpa, because I didn't go to church this morning. I didn't go to church because I was the only one who volunteered to stay with him that night, because everyone else wanted to go play on my uncle's new Wii. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76086) - you totally deserved it (1271)
On 04/19/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by deadgrandma (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66838) - you totally deserved it (5118)
On 04/19/2009 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl and we were coloring. She made me a card that was very sweet, so I smiled. She looked at me and went "Don't smile, your smile is really scary." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38027) - you totally deserved it (2956)
On 04/19/2009 at 2:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7696) - you totally deserved it (41876)
On 04/19/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by confusedphotographer (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66181) - you totally deserved it (8171)
On 04/03/2009 at 5:43am - money - by rovery (man) - United States (California)
Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (419417) - you totally deserved it (25294)
On 02/09/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
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