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sarahannewrap's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
by notalovestory / 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
by SebastianMiko / 11/09/2012 at 2:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Tj Hunt / 11/04/2012 at 10:26pm / United States / Love
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2012 at 1:03am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
by TheVirginJenny / 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML
by ahappypenguin / 09/26/2012 at 12:07am / Miscellaneous
Today, one of my regulars approached me at work, arms extended for a hug. He's always in a bad mood, so I figured for once he wasn't grumpy and I enthusiastically hugged him. Turns out he was just stretching his arms. He told me I was crazy and pretty much ran out of my store. FML
by MLAA / 09/24/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (California) / Work
by Grindwhore / 09/17/2012 at 6:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 7:36am / United States (Delaware) / Health
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Geckosrock99 / 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm… Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall… Today, my girlfriend asked if she should get birthcontrol, of course I said yes and offered to pay…