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sarabellum93

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sarabellum93
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1093
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

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Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

#18280377
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27191) - you deserved it (3568)

On 11/18/2011 at 10:26am - misc - by southernpride93 - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

#18275537
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19850) - you deserved it (5206)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:50pm - misc - by alliez108 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

#18273262
602 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41928) - you deserved it (11055)

On 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

#15844364
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7587) - you deserved it (70438)

On 04/19/2011 at 6:03am - animals - by sore (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

#15817034
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40468) - you deserved it (7980)

On 04/17/2011 at 1:56am - intimacy - by rastafarimon (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17530) - you deserved it (40988)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (63194)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML

#13945313
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20882) - you deserved it (11405)

On 11/23/2010 at 1:50am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

#13789664
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6113) - you deserved it (54575)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After about minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML

#13787466
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43597) - you deserved it (16155)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

#13777689
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36496) - you deserved it (6655)

On 11/09/2010 at 1:32pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

#13766539
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6536) - you deserved it (38147)

On 11/08/2010 at 4:26pm - misc - by pottyhostage (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

#13764979
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22889) - you deserved it (3506)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:34pm - health - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

#13716117
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9404) - you deserved it (29961)

On 11/04/2010 at 4:30pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

#13715432
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29085) - you deserved it (5180)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)



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