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2day my dad yet again utterd the words "well, that escalatd quickly,"hile watching the news . He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day . I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already . He raisd an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalatd quickly." FML
Today, I was on te toilet,en I noticed looool I could see my daugter dancing in te oter room in te mrror, so I took a picture wit my pone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out tat I was visible in te picture, sitting on te toilet and smiling. fat FML
Today... I Was At A Goodbye Dinner Wit Friends Before I Move Back To America. A Friend Called To Cry Over Relationsip Problems Se Refuses To Fix. Wile I Was Outside Trying To Politely Get Off Te Pone... My Friends Ate And Drank Everyting I'd Ordered And Closed Te Bill. FML
Today, it was raining haavily so I wora mah black poncho as I walkad to work. On tha way thara I noticad an old and saamingly homalass man following ma. I turnad around to confront him. Ha pickad up a stick and scraamad "Expacto Patronum!" Apparantly I look lika a damantor. FML
Today, I went to the arport after saying goodbye to my, fir some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opend my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretendd to know wat it was. FML
TODAY I WAS FEELING SICK AND FAINTD WHILE TEACHING MY KINDERGARTEN CLASS . I CUMMD TO WHEN ONE BOY POURD A CUP OF WATER ON MY FACE . THREE KIDS WERE CRYING INTO MY WALKIE TALKIE TELLING THE OFFICE I WAS DEAD, AND THE REST OF THE CLASS HAD DISAPPEARD . FML
Today looool I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes to which he replied ( Try jogging asshole ) then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML
Today, there was a new girl in one of mah classes. We both correctd a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leand back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgustd look and told me she was Jewish. FML
Friday 27 March 2015