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samoht1997

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samoht1997

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  • Number of visits : 566
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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samoht1997's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

#19211804
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39668) - you deserved it (27382)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

#19152367
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17376) - you deserved it (1771)

On 02/24/2012 at 6:36am - misc - by Lovernotafighter (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

#19146778
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13769) - you deserved it (32317)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

#19137014
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8363) - you deserved it (18895)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by jenni6488 - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37978) - you deserved it (5606)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

#19062488
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37823) - you deserved it (9640)

On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6546) - you deserved it (19127)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

#19032075
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23439) - you deserved it (3538)

On 02/09/2012 at 1:37am - animals - by A (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

#19023542
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23976) - you deserved it (3589)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

#18997714
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12717) - you deserved it (26551)

On 02/05/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by inked - United States (Alabama)

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

#18814672
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34671) - you deserved it (12219)

On 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by lolwut - United States

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26005) - you deserved it (3283) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46594) - you deserved it (3233)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

#18670300
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27459) - you deserved it (3042)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (Maryland)

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

#18597076
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22484) - you deserved it (7009)

On 12/24/2011 at 9:38am - kids - by Broke Mama (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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