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samoht1997

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samoht1997

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  • Number of visits : 815
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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samoht1997's page activity

Visits<b>GayBlowjob</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 11:01am<b>ZombieGuyCXV</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 9:23am<b>BIGBOY4rmAHM</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 2:05am

samoht1997's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of samoht1997's badges

samoht1997's favorite FMLs

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

#19387601
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16802) - you deserved it (30176)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML

#19380056
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37923) - you deserved it (2440)

On 03/31/2012 at 12:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

#19362512
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10431) - you deserved it (17730)

On 03/28/2012 at 8:00am - health - by hikari_chan_xo - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML

#19350578
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26452) - you deserved it (6126)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:51am - misc - by stupdude3 (man) - United States

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

#19285131
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26966) - you deserved it (6894)

On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

#19231418
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11694) - you deserved it (40371)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

#19222051
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28565) - you deserved it (9465)

On 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by Alfie4 (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

#19211804
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39851) - you deserved it (27520)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

#19152367
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18151) - you deserved it (1831)

On 02/24/2012 at 6:36am - misc - by Lovernotafighter (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

#19146778
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14420) - you deserved it (33426)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

#19137014
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8433) - you deserved it (19058)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by jenni6488 - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40021) - you deserved it (5845)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

#19062488
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39602) - you deserved it (9904)

On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6610) - you deserved it (19281)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

#19032075
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24272) - you deserved it (3629)

On 02/09/2012 at 1:37am - animals - by A (woman) - United States



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