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samoht1997

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samoht1997

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samoht1997's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

#20196663
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8488) - you deserved it (27258)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

#20196447
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5127) - you deserved it (54045)

On 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28077) - you deserved it (5349)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

#20191703
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23189) - you deserved it (3632)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11884) - you deserved it (28001)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

#20177257
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (1752)

On 11/24/2012 at 9:35pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21408) - you deserved it (2239)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

#20176354
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34257) - you deserved it (10907)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:54am - intimacy - by ladylol (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31804) - you deserved it (8074)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

#20168543
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17864) - you deserved it (1443)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by mountains - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

#20168405
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38016) - you deserved it (5657)

On 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by besviken (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

#20168405
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38016) - you deserved it (5657)

On 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by besviken (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34187) - you deserved it (3487)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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