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samoht1997

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samoht1997

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  • Number of visits : 665
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>GayBlowjob</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 11:01am<b>ZombieGuyCXV</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 9:23am<b>BIGBOY4rmAHM</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 2:05am

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samoht1997's favorite FMLs

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56090) - you deserved it (4913)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64835) - you deserved it (6581)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47706) - you deserved it (9210)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

#20784911
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22211) - you deserved it (43482)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm - money - by Jer (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58395) - you deserved it (12233)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

#20779714
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50431) - you deserved it (4171)

On 07/13/2013 at 10:32am - misc - by speechless - United States (Indiana)

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

#20773985
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29405) - you deserved it (45286)

On 07/10/2013 at 8:38am - misc - by RickTheBoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43903) - you deserved it (7955)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47431) - you deserved it (5883)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54062) - you deserved it (5361)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

#20694473
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53440) - you deserved it (8994)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63595) - you deserved it (13997)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (46885)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML

#20673285
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40949) - you deserved it (3370)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by jfc, how just how (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

#20662485
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98249) - you deserved it (5962)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)



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