sammiBlue

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sammiBlue

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  • Number of visits : 35
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Up and coming moderator

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50 favourites

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Consolation prize

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sammiBlue's favorite FMLs

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

by Gurior / 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

by Mimi / 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

by BarBacked / 04/15/2013 at 3:31am / United States / Work

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

by do your own ironing / 04/15/2013 at 12:32am / Miscellaneous

Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

by bntje / 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Miscellaneous

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

by jasminejzhu / 04/14/2013 at 5:58am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

by too young for this / 04/12/2013 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

by Juliet / 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

by InNeedOfFriends / 04/11/2013 at 8:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

by imscrewed / 04/11/2013 at 3:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Work