Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About sammers3282 : My name is Samantha.
I am almost 18, yayy :]
I absolutely love laughing it's completely my passion to laugh nonstop :]
I apparently have a very contagious laugh and a very sexy voice ;]
I am inspired to be a Pastry Chef :]
Why Pastry Chef? I'm a very picky eatter. -LOVE potatoes. ;]
So cannot really taste all the food I make for Culinary.
I do plan on getting a Bachlors Degree in Culinary as well, guess i'll have to suck up eatting some nasty food. =[
I would love to own my own restaurant with my Pastries for Dessert. :]
I am told constantly how much of a bitch I am. The best part about it... I LOVE IT! ;]
I don't know how to change my pictures into Jpeg format so, I cannot post it. Oh well. :] -Guess I'm not nerdy like most others. ;]
BTW I adore saying Oh Man. :]
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML
Friday 6 December 2013