Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

sammers3282

Search for a member

sammers3282

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 14 April 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 680
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About sammers3282 : My name is Samantha.
I am almost 18, yayy :]
I absolutely love laughing it's completely my passion to laugh nonstop :]
I apparently have a very contagious laugh and a very sexy voice ;]
I am inspired to be a Pastry Chef :]
Why Pastry Chef? I'm a very picky eatter. -LOVE potatoes. ;]
So cannot really taste all the food I make for Culinary.
I do plan on getting a Bachlors Degree in Culinary as well, guess i'll have to suck up eatting some nasty food. =[
I would love to own my own restaurant with my Pastries for Dessert. :]
I am told constantly how much of a bitch I am. The best part about it... I LOVE IT! ;]
I don't know how to change my pictures into Jpeg format so, I cannot post it. Oh well. :] -Guess I'm not nerdy like most others. ;]
BTW I adore saying Oh Man. :]

sammers3282's page activity

Visits<b>Devin91</b> - the 06/28/2012 at 12:10am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:13pm<b>HappinessForFree</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 9:50am<b>fluffingclouds</b> - the 01/18/2011 at 5:46pm<b>eftup</b> - the 01/17/2011 at 4:04pm<b>ClickMyPicture</b> - the 12/08/2010 at 5:59pm<b>monsterDONG</b> - the 11/26/2010 at 5:53pm<b>mona_is_here</b> - the 11/25/2010 at 5:32pm<b>KS9</b> - the 11/24/2010 at 5:50am<b>ihateIRAQ</b> - the 11/24/2010 at 3:13am<b>the_flirtt</b> - the 11/23/2010 at 4:31am<b>josepigo</b> - the 11/21/2010 at 3:00pm<b>illjusbedamned</b> - the 11/21/2010 at 3:40am<b>deputy_g</b> - the 11/19/2010 at 12:59am<b>cincifan101</b> - the 11/13/2010 at 10:50am<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 11/12/2010 at 1:53pm<b>masterbaker11</b> - the 11/12/2010 at 8:25am<b>xerikax3</b> - the 11/11/2010 at 9:53pm

sammers3282's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

sammers3282's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

#13975115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24735) - you deserved it (6901)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

#13961788
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32132) - you deserved it (10656)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Heyy - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

#13961788
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32132) - you deserved it (10656)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Heyy - United States (Washington)

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

#13961412
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25750) - you deserved it (9610)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

#13937569
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33174) - you deserved it (7583)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

#13937046
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29115) - you deserved it (2690)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by unexpected_failure (man) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

#13923340
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31529) - you deserved it (4444)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

#13876997
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20267) - you deserved it (7394)

On 11/17/2010 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

#13876675
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40128) - you deserved it (12311)

On 11/17/2010 at 1:16pm - love - by neverdateaclosetcase (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

#13718140
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (8629)

On 11/04/2010 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me "don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

#13454741
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27038) - you deserved it (4156)

On 10/15/2010 at 1:13am - intimacy - by anouk05 (woman) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

#13345855
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8345) - you deserved it (33146)

On 10/06/2010 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

#7318001
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27391) - you deserved it (13912)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

#7212033
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33640) - you deserved it (2841)

On 01/08/2010 at 2:23am - kids - by PeanutlyDisabled - France

Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML

#6416233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32858) - you deserved it (3579)

On 11/23/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: