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Today, I recievd a package from a local guy on Craigslist . Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only containd a photo of an iPhone . The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so mah husband went over and beat the shit out of him . I now have to bail him out of jail . FML
Yesterday , I took child to the park. Having been there an hour , another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children , pointing to child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML
Today, I stayed at mah boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took mah laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of mah stolen shrts. FML
Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML
Today, I realised that I have fallen 4 the most amazing grl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML
Today... I went to te ice cream sop after dinner. I am deatly allergic to nuts so I picked te vanilla. I take one bite an feel someting cruncy... an seeat I tougt was an almond in te cup. I spit out te icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroac. FML
TODAY, I WAS AT MAH SCHOOL'S SPAGHETTI DINNER WITH MAH FAMILY. MY BROTHER SHOOK UP MAH MOM'S SODA, AS A PRANK. MY ENTIRE CLASS WITNESSED MAH MOM WAVING AROUND AN OVERFLOWING DIET COKEHILE MAH DAD YELLED, ( COME ON, PUTTED YOUR MOUTH ON IT! SUCK IT! SUCK IT, KATHY! )
Today my boyfriend an I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand he grabs onto me an says looool ( I'm a koala an you're my eucalyptus tree! ) He then continued to latch onto me 4 a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Friday 27 March 2015