sambioknight

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sambioknight

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 July 1997 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4359
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About sambioknight : I don't know. what should I put here? That Netflix is great or that my cat is awesome? I just don't know but, this will probably keep me up at night.

sambioknight's page activity

Visits<b>ilcap</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 10:32pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 2:51pm<b>Vanshikap</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 5:23am<b>BuchiNeko</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 9:20am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 7:16pm<b>waitwhatsgoingon</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:33am<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 9:53pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 3:44pm<b>jordanhraye</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 10:48pm<b>NatashaLovesYou</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 12:03am<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 2:55pm<b>BrookieAnn</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 5:31pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 2:23pm<b>DaniPandi</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 11:56pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 10:46pm<b>Christinesayyys</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 12:37am<b>Comet_Candy</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 3:52pm

sambioknight's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of sambioknight's badges

sambioknight's favorite FMLs

Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML

by Welshite / 04/03/2014 at 4:53pm / United States / Work

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

by off to the whorehouse, then / 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

by and not even in the good way / 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

by the other guy? / 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

by disgusted / 03/29/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

by Galaxy / 03/29/2014 at 1:03pm / Belgium (Limburg) / Animals

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

by oops / 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

by mookiemookie01 / 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

by campus pussy / 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML

by wabbyfish / 03/13/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

by melimelo24 / 03/13/2014 at 5:33am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids