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Today , I woke to find laptop and printer covered in wat smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking , but where he urinates on random objects. FML
Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied 4 at my local hospital. Bieng just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks 4 the confidence. mega FML
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up an loudly askd if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretendd I was deaf an couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
Today ona of my aldarly swimming studants ran into ma at Walmart. Baing a polita taanagar I said hi to him. Ha lookad at ma surprisad and said "Oh daar! I didn't racogniza you with your clothas on!" I'll navar forgat tha look on his wifa's faca. FML
TODAY, I WAS FIRED FROM MY JOB 4 BREAKING MY COMPANY'S TATTOO POLICY. I HAVE A SMALL SCAR ON MY WRIST THAT ROUGHLY RESEMBLES A HEART. MY BOSS INSISTS THAT IT'S ONE OF THOSE WHITE INK TATTOOS. NO ONE WILL BELIEVE ME. FML
Today... mah boyfriend startd coming onto me... despite me being on mah period. He said it was okay... an we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread mah legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy... I did. He then yelld... ( I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA! ) an broke down in laughter.
Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped drty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me ahore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend . I confronted my father about it . He told me to forgive her, cuz she's "on her period." mega FML
Today I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? ( She's my best friend we do this all the time. ) I have been dating him 4 over a year. FML
TODAY, I WENT TO A PAINTBALL MATCH WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS, ONE OF WHOM BROUGHT HIS DAD ALONG. HIS DAD IS A WIEGHT-LIFTING, WANNABE ALPHA MALE FUCKNUT WHO THINKS THAT CHOKESLAMMING OPPONENTS IS A LEGITIMATE CLOSE-QUARTERS PAINTBALL TACTIC. MY BROKEN SHOULDER DISAGREES. FML
Friday 27 March 2015