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sallywifeofjack's FML badges
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sallywifeofjack's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML
by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm / United States (Delaware) / Intimacy
by oh why... / 12/20/2013 at 9:51am / United States / Love
Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML
by whatjusthappened / 12/20/2013 at 3:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by opinionsarestill / 12/20/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2013 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML
by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids
by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by hi Mum / 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/28/2013 at 11:53am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML
by heightdifference / 11/28/2013 at 11:34am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by Cian_1 / 11/25/2013 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health
Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML
by seizuregirl17 / 11/19/2013 at 10:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
by jnisla / 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,…