About saf99me : I love reading FML's when I need to have a laugh xD xD
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saf99me's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML
by Derpina / 12/21/2011 at 10:33am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/10/2011 at 12:07pm / Ireland (Cork) / Animals
Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML
by ironik970 / 09/17/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML
by waj9876 / 09/08/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by dragos_dgt / 09/02/2011 at 3:48am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Work
Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML
by worried / 08/16/2011 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/12/2011 at 6:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
by Amy / 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 2:58pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Love
Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 8:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML
by tryon777 / 07/28/2010 at 8:40pm / United States / Love
Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML
by NotSoSick / 02/12/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML
by Stinkybedroom / 12/30/2009 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals
by fire / 12/14/2009 at 7:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous