About saf99me : I love reading FML's when I need to have a laugh xD xD
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
saf99me's favorite FMLs
Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML
by W T F / 06/03/2015 at 3:22am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
by Anon / 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Suicidal_Divide / 05/06/2015 at 3:25pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Evra / 04/16/2015 at 1:04am / United States / Intimacy
by PrettySureItsReal / 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML
by MirandaJones / 03/20/2015 at 10:41am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by SDCore / 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 9:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2014 at 2:19am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I slept over at my new boyfriend's house for the first time. When I woke up in the morning, he told me all about how much gas I'd had through the night. He said he thought he had a grown man in his bed instead of me. FML
by Isa_Marie0113 / 11/03/2014 at 6:32pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by longdrive / 10/14/2014 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Peeves / 09/15/2014 at 6:05pm / United States / Kids
Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML
by ggabrams / 08/17/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
by why the fuck would you do that / 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2012 at 9:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
- Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping… Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to… Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't…