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sadnerdgirl's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML
by noweddingforyou / 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by KatVanGogh / 08/25/2013 at 9:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by mykhael / 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by fucking fratricidal / 10/13/2012 at 6:25pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
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- Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…