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Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23496) - you deserved it (3636)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45069) - you deserved it (2145)
On 12/01/2011 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by sometingwong (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45069) - you deserved it (2145)
On 12/01/2011 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by sometingwong (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29613) - you deserved it (1889)
On 08/14/2011 at 8:47pm - work - by theultimatesalonfail - United States
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28872) - you deserved it (8537)
On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24734) - you deserved it (8325)
On 07/30/2011 at 8:03am - misc - by tamponface (man) - United Kingdom
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30152) - you deserved it (24879)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25757) - you deserved it (3570)
On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22938) - you deserved it (4486)
On 01/17/2011 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by No O-face (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23002) - you deserved it (2582) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 11:46am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30989) - you deserved it (2973)
On 12/15/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25211) - you deserved it (4137)
On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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