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ryan5w4's favorite FMLs
by tigerisabelle / 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous
by LarissaT18 / 02/02/2014 at 11:13am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (New York) / Health
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by shanannygians07 / 01/26/2014 at 1:46am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML
by AnnoyedSister / 12/30/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML
by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 10:36am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 3:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML
by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML
by NRFTW / 12/17/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm / Croatia (Licko-Senjska) / Health
by um...no? i don't think so anyway / 12/15/2013 at 2:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by snowbum69 / 12/15/2013 at 3:38am / United States (Idaho) / Love
- Today I found out that after having my whole family reject me for being a lesbian my first serious… Today, it's only my second week of work at my new job as a housekeeper for an assisted living home.… Today, I went to watch the new Jungle Book movie at my local theater. I enjoyed the movie, however…