Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ryan5w4

Search for a member

ryan5w4

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 332
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

ryan5w4's page activity

Visits<b>DarkPandaXD</b> - the 12/24/2013 at 6:37pm<b>zman0900</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 7:22am<b>loltroll667</b> - the 03/29/2013 at 2:43am

ryan5w4's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of ryan5w4's badges

ryan5w4's favorite FMLs

Today, after working 12 hours, my scooter broke down 2 miles from home. I had to walk myself and my scooter home all uphill. My boyfriend and his friends drove by, honked and kept going. FML

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

#21008373
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37636) - you deserved it (2397)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44614) - you deserved it (5004)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46248) - you deserved it (4537)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47648) - you deserved it (12820)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

#20999870
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48422) - you deserved it (2802)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43936) - you deserved it (2869)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

#20993484
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42024) - you deserved it (5633)

On 12/15/2013 at 2:16pm - love - by um...no? i don't think so anyway (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

#20993100
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46639) - you deserved it (5074)

On 12/15/2013 at 3:38am - love - by snowbum69 - United States (Idaho)

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

#20991671
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39160) - you deserved it (3082)

On 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by thank u usa (man) - Germany

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

#20974447
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52540) - you deserved it (3532)

On 11/29/2013 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

#20869282
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33413) - you deserved it (2052)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:29pm - work - by Zuzubat (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a message from my teacher about my homework. We were supposed to write an original myth explaining a natural event. My teacher bumped my grade for it down to a C for copying a myth that already exists. My myth was based on an original story I've been writing for two years. FML

#20869277
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35688) - you deserved it (3021)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:27pm - misc - by WritesTooWell - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: