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runner4lyfe's FML badges
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runner4lyfe's favorite FMLs
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML
by Samantha / 10/30/2010 at 1:41am / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by liu_kang / 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm / United States / Health
by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by anun / 01/14/2010 at 9:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
by Dontworryaboutit / 12/28/2009 at 5:16am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML
by auscop / 09/17/2009 at 6:57am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation
Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML
by Dammit / 08/15/2009 at 1:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML
by unlucky / 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML
by TextLoser / 08/05/2009 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by webperson04 / 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/25/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation