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runner4lyfe's FML badges
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runner4lyfe's favorite FMLs
Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML
by NotAnExcuse / 11/07/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Transportation
by SadDad / 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by CanadianTwin / 07/06/2012 at 2:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Eragons_Mommy92 / 05/04/2012 at 10:38am / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by blegh / 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML
by picklemonger / 12/08/2011 at 2:58pm / Canada / Transportation
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by nolove4me / 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Alaska) / Love
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML
by holdengurl18 / 06/21/2011 at 12:46am / China / Love
Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML
by Seriously / 06/15/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML
by wtffireworks! / 05/25/2011 at 10:10pm / United States / Work
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
- Today, I went to the library to get work done. Like every Friday a swarm of children took over the… Today, I had 45 minutes spare between appointments to do some work at the office. I needed to print… Today, I stayed out late to celebrate my last night before going back to school. Though I normally…