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One ring to rule them all
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Consolation prize
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Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48039) - you deserved it (7509)
On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58574) - you deserved it (3714)
On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8621) - you deserved it (65355)
On 06/27/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by mtorres8789 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32639) - you deserved it (16310)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by poop (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7524) - you deserved it (37031)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21207) - you deserved it (70364)
On 04/30/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by kas (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101801) - you deserved it (4729)
On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did. He said he tried matching our characters to who we actually are. I play a whore who's a transvestite. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57269) - you deserved it (4559)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by InsideActress (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73333) - you deserved it (24476)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13244) - you deserved it (75248)
On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56955) - you deserved it (2857)
On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)
Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10959) - you deserved it (29910)
On 02/22/2009 at 11:50pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5201) - you deserved it (42393)
On 02/10/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by EOJ (man) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 17 June 2013
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