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roztheunicorn

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roztheunicorn

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 July 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 425
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About roztheunicorn : Obviously, I'm a unicorn, named Roz. That's pronounced like Rose, my creators just found it necessary to shorten the word by one letter and add a z in place of an s for... emphasis?

Another random fact is that I am a Martian as well as a unicorn, a... marticorn... or unitian... whatever. By the way, our skin is NOT green.

It's purple, duh.

You are most likely an Undercover Unicorn Hunter from the FBI so I won't bother to tell you anything more, so I won't be seeing you anytime in the future... unless you're lucky.

~Roz

roztheunicorn's page activity

Visits<b>FFML_314</b> - the 02/03/2013 at 4:09am

roztheunicorn's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of roztheunicorn's badges

roztheunicorn's favorite FMLs

Today , I Couldn't Contain My Laughterhen A Patient Told Me She'd Namd Her Unborn Daughter Twinkie. Real FML

#18728006
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32680) - you deserved it (4937)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, ( Why do you think I've been so often on top lately? ) big fat FML

#18472242
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32469) - you deserved it (8257)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart . Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me andhispered ( sperm ) into ear . My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before . FML

#18398754
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33077) - you deserved it (3952)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

2day while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

#18279694
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37006) - you deserved it (4878)

On 11/18/2011 at 7:22am - work - by Anothernametaken (man) - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. Te oter party left te scene immediately after witout excanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26975) - you deserved it (7978)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today mah grlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing mah junk and whispering in mah ear looool the song "Baby Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39291) - you deserved it (7699)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States

TODAY, ILE JOGGING, I REALIZED MY FACE JIGGLES MORE TAN MY BREASTS. FML

#18180881
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29196) - you deserved it (7292)

On 11/07/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Janice - Canada (Alberta)

Today , my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of erself in my boxers. I tougt it would be funny to take a picture of myself in te tong se left in my room and send it to er. Se tougt it would be funnier on looool Facebook. FML

#18162397
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24244) - you deserved it (45432)

On 11/05/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by kdeeeceee - United States

Today, I got a boner at looool the dentist. FML

#18086799
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35546) - you deserved it (8251)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Me - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with husband on our anniversary day. He climbd on top of me an firmly placd his penis on nose. When I askd him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter an said I lookd just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40733) - you deserved it (5244)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

2day ma girlfriend and I were taking a sower togeter!! We were fooling around wen se takes te sower ead and starts spraying ma penis wit it!! I asked er "wat are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

#16399874
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60398) - you deserved it (12624)

On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned thathen I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

#15598918
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33586) - you deserved it (45255)

On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I Told Mah Boyfriend I Was Pregnant. While I Was Asleep, He Drew A Face On Mah Stomach Andhen I Woke Up He Was Talking To It. He Said It Would Be Less Wierd If He Was Talking To Mah Stomach With A Face On It, Representing The Baby. According To Him, Our Child Is Going To Have A Mustache. FML

#11198427
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18887) - you deserved it (25143)

On 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm - kids - by gibsonSG323 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet is friends at one of is exclusive ( clubs. ) Expecting it to be is old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of te Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

#7380749
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61950) - you deserved it (7084)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm - love - by Awkward (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today... I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers calld a code pink in aisle 22... which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hereing about how hot she was... I went over to see her 4 myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61166) - you deserved it (5628)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)



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