About roztheunicorn : Obviously, I'm a unicorn, named Roz. That's pronounced like Rose, my creators just found it necessary to shorten the word by one letter and add a z in place of an s for... emphasis?
Another random fact is that I am a Martian as well as a unicorn, a... marticorn... or unitian... whatever. By the way, our skin is NOT green.
It's purple, duh.
You are most likely an Undercover Unicorn Hunter from the FBI so I won't bother to tell you anything more, so I won't be seeing you anytime in the future... unless you're lucky.
~Roz
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25140) - you deserved it (3569)
On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25040) - you deserved it (6018)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24467) - you deserved it (2850)
On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29079) - you deserved it (3680)
On 11/18/2011 at 7:22am - work - by Anothernametaken (man) - United States
Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21051) - you deserved it (5851)
On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29904) - you deserved it (5780)
On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States
Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23539) - you deserved it (6407)
On 11/07/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Janice - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20432) - you deserved it (40769)
On 11/05/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by kdeeeceee - United States
Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27530) - you deserved it (6119)
On 10/27/2011 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Me - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33290) - you deserved it (3927)
On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52269) - you deserved it (9883)
On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28675) - you deserved it (34811)
On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14731) - you deserved it (18243)
On 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm - kids - by gibsonSG323 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53902) - you deserved it (6264)
On 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm - love - by Awkward (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52167) - you deserved it (4037)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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