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roztheunicorn

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roztheunicorn

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 July 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 299
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About roztheunicorn : Obviously, I'm a unicorn, named Roz. That's pronounced like Rose, my creators just found it necessary to shorten the word by one letter and add a z in place of an s for... emphasis?

Another random fact is that I am a Martian as well as a unicorn, a... marticorn... or unitian... whatever. By the way, our skin is NOT green.

It's purple, duh.

You are most likely an Undercover Unicorn Hunter from the FBI so I won't bother to tell you anything more, so I won't be seeing you anytime in the future... unless you're lucky.

~Roz

roztheunicorn's page activity

Visits<b>FFML_314</b> - the 02/03/2013 at 4:09am

roztheunicorn's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of roztheunicorn's badges

roztheunicorn's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

#19589899
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21343) - you deserved it (6019)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

#19508691
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7785) - you deserved it (62443)

On 04/21/2012 at 11:15pm - misc - by Jenn P (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

#19488517
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9273) - you deserved it (17805)

On 04/18/2012 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

#19453519
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23748) - you deserved it (3636)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML

#19451298
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24949) - you deserved it (4200)

On 04/11/2012 at 7:05pm - health - by clinictime - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9463) - you deserved it (33175)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

#19426684
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44063) - you deserved it (3060)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by jordyn173 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttle cock that hit me in the eye. FML

#19375546
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7535) - you deserved it (17233)

On 03/30/2012 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

#19368346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8327) - you deserved it (22947)

On 03/29/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by greeneyedpothead - United States (California)

Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML

#19314289
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19275) - you deserved it (4552)

On 03/20/2012 at 3:15pm - misc - by lyla - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21335) - you deserved it (11788)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

#19281835
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28355) - you deserved it (3164)

On 03/15/2012 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
589 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23116) - you deserved it (52854)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

#19215354
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28857) - you deserved it (3820)

On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

#19043614
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24391) - you deserved it (2574)

On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States



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