Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

rosenkrieger

Search for a member

rosenkrieger

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 23 February 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 164
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

rosenkrieger's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of rosenkrieger's badges

rosenkrieger's favorite FMLs

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

#20171802
166 comments

Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML

#20071617
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23416) - you deserved it (1927)

On 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

#20045566
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29670) - you deserved it (5699)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

#20045057
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20210) - you deserved it (2145) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32368) - you deserved it (4084)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29757) - you deserved it (3565)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

#19846265
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25998) - you deserved it (15672)

On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML

#19710494
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27960) - you deserved it (2707) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

#19646260
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37579) - you deserved it (5023)

On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

#19592070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19149) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/08/2012 at 12:41pm - animals - by gl0b3suck0r (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

#19495403
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20826) - you deserved it (5114)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by ajnmegs - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

#19406628
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12560) - you deserved it (29520)

On 04/04/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

#19391692
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24498) - you deserved it (2906)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

#19299263
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7956) - you deserved it (41160)

On 03/18/2012 at 7:41am - love - by Austin Franklin - United States



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: