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rosanelly1546's FML badges
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rosanelly1546's favorite FMLs
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML
by great 1st impression / 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML
by Q / 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2014 at 12:31pm / Singapore / Intimacy
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
by wtf / 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML
by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Harry / 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Money
Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML
by can't eat paper / 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm / United States / Work
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML
by fuck you, Jeff / 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
by HeyTherexxx / 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML
by bubblooz / 04/02/2014 at 10:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2014 at 7:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML
by Bishy123 / 03/26/2014 at 3:50am / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 2:16pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Love
by IMAWAKE / 03/17/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided…