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Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32099) - you deserved it (3909)
On 05/21/2011 at 2:42am - misc - by thatsasquee - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13555) - you deserved it (27551)
On 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by theshameofit (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32751) - you deserved it (2457)
On 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by 123roomielover (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24782) - you deserved it (4236) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25402) - you deserved it (5349)
On 01/13/2011 at 3:48pm - kids - by me - United States
Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23153) - you deserved it (2418)
On 12/31/2010 at 12:58am - health - by Nickolas - United States
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (6043)
On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71358) - you deserved it (3303)
On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22266) - you deserved it (5963)
On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8326) - you deserved it (18423)
On 11/26/2010 at 10:43am - misc - by blackitalian - United States
Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46031) - you deserved it (9597)
On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30761) - you deserved it (5455)
On 11/02/2010 at 1:43pm - misc - by gingerninja (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18879) - you deserved it (2505)
On 10/21/2010 at 10:48am - health - by catattack78 (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30176) - you deserved it (6131)
On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20314) - you deserved it (2727)
On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)
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