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Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29516) - you deserved it (2879)
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5760) - you deserved it (24894)
On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19021) - you deserved it (4311)
On 01/18/2012 at 6:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25157) - you deserved it (2220)
On 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm - misc - by haha - United States (California)
Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14870) - you deserved it (33243)
On 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by theshameofit (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35211) - you deserved it (2973)
On 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by 123roomielover (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27422) - you deserved it (5073) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26664) - you deserved it (5524)
On 01/13/2011 at 3:48pm - kids - by me - United States
Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24958) - you deserved it (2565)
On 12/31/2010 at 12:58am - health - by Nickolas - United States
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22750) - you deserved it (6331)
On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82714) - you deserved it (3840)
On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (7144)
On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8910) - you deserved it (19367)
On 11/26/2010 at 10:43am - misc - by blackitalian - United States
Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49165) - you deserved it (9961)
On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32873) - you deserved it (5737)
On 11/02/2010 at 1:43pm - misc - by gingerninja (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Monday 20 May 2013
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