rootbeerfanatic

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Offline (the 09/03/2014 at 9:22pm)

rootbeerfanatic

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 30 September 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11617
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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rootbeerfanatic's page activity

Visits<b>nickinoodle</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 1:07pm<b>saltyacs</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 9:21pm<b>nate70</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 4:43pm<b>TheGhostOfChurch</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 12:52am<b>Damafia</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 8:27am<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 9:29pm<b>MrKronos</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 1:07am<b>howtobestupid</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 10:16pm<b>phatdaddy62</b> - the 02/12/2014 at 3:56am<b>grizzlybear26</b> - the 02/12/2014 at 12:00am<b>LissaMccracken</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 3:52pm<b>marulicko</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 6:25am<b>sybyabraham</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 11:22am<b>murdaloco</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 9:52am<b>happylappy</b> - the 05/19/2013 at 4:19am<b>Axel5238</b> - the 05/01/2013 at 3:10am<b>B0SSAHOLIC</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 11:54pm<b>waffule365</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 8:43pm

rootbeerfanatic's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of rootbeerfanatic's badges

rootbeerfanatic's favorite FMLs

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

by rholt / 01/14/2014 at 1:48am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

by awkwardpartybear / 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

by NickDrakeFan / 10/28/2013 at 9:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML

by -_- / 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2013 at 12:28am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2012 at 6:30am / Australia / Transportation

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

by haha / 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous