About rookEV : Im an artist, and I have a bad temper. That's about all you need to know.
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rookEV's favorite FMLs
Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 4:29am / Reserved / Health
Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML
by DyingPlants / 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML
by Emily S / 10/09/2011 at 1:17am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 9:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML
by Laura / 10/08/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Work
by Hairytoes / 10/07/2011 at 6:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
by xoccerplaya / 10/06/2011 at 6:46am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals
by dmanrique / 10/04/2011 at 11:10am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Ramis182 / 10/03/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
by rufusthepenis / 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…